Here, I am:
Thinking breathing
Running my mouth
As per usual because everything matters.
My carousel is spinning, sure,
But it’s all relative
I see no movement
I make no movement because
There, I am:
Sitting on the eaves
Dropping my gaze to watch
Myself
Spin around and around,
Watching that carousel
Propel me into motion
I shake my head and stare on.
I see
Myself
Move around and around
Yet go nowhere.
There is no destination now, for
Here, I am
Immersed in my world
Trying to breath
Life into my life;
A fog has rolled in so now
All my stationary friends are hidden
In the deceptive haze
I want
To get off but
My ride has not yet ended
So I stay –
But hey,
Who is that watching me from the eaves over
There, I am
Gazing upon myself
Noting my inactions
And bad decisions
Pitying my naiveté, my stupidité
Wishing for a moment there
Was something I could do
But no;
But at least I know I am here
At least I know I am
Here, I am
There, I am
On the carousel
Participating,
On the eaves,
Patiently waiting
For the ride to stop but
I suppose it is not yet time.
For now I stay:
I sit here on the carousel
And wait there for the closing bell.
Written in September 2017: Oftentimes I have the feeling as if I am watching myself progress through life; I have the power to realize what I am doing yet am powerless to change my path no matter how obscured it may become. Sometimes it is like I either forget to be self-aware or forget to enjoy whichever moment in life I see myself in.